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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23646976">When is a Snake not a Snake</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivoryline/pseuds/ivoryline'>ivoryline</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman &amp; Terry Pratchett</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings, POV Aziraphale (Good Omens), Post-Almost Apocalypse (Good Omens), Post-Canon, Worried Aziraphale (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:48:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,187</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23646976</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivoryline/pseuds/ivoryline</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Aziraphale has a confession to make. Crowley thinks the whole thing is quite funny.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>109</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>When is a Snake not a Snake</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so the idea for this fic was born in romcom/au discord and it made me laugh so I just had to write it</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Aziraphale wrung his hands and then wrung them some more for good measure. <a id="return1" name="return1"></a>He had invited Crowley out to lunch at a new bistro that had cropped up a couple blocks from the bookshop and Crowley was late as usual <sup>[<a href="#note1">1</a>]</sup>. Missed lunch plans weren't terribly uncommon before the Apocalypse That Wasn't but now that they were settling into a more comfortable existence with each other they usually gave each other the courtesy of a phone call and a rescheduling. He hadn't gotten a phone call from Crowley so he trusted that their lunch plans were still on. That was, in fact, why Aziraphale had invited Crowley to lunch.</p><p><br/>
It had taken a few maudlin drinking sessions in the newly remade back room of the bookshop to get out the necessary apologies they owed each other. Since then they had spent a good deal more time in each other's company. Crowley had lately taken to holding Aziraphale's hand on their walks around St. James. It was all quite lovely and Aziraphale was an enthusiastic fan of the direction their relationship was heading in. But Aziraphale had a devastating secret.</p><p><br/>
<a id="return2" name="return2"></a>Aziraphale had recently come to terms with his tendency to not lie, per se, but to circumnavigate the truth<sup>[<a href="#note2">2</a>]</sup>.  He owed Crowley honesty and more than that he <i>wanted</i> to be honest with Crowley. He was doing his level best to improve his communication skills. So in the spirit of honesty he needs to confess what may be his gravest sin.</p><p><br/>
Aziraphale had graduated from wringing his hands to straightening the silverware on the table with laser like precision when Crowley sauntered in the door. He looked horribly handsome as usual and when he gifted Aziraphale with a smirk Aziraphale couldn't help but grin in response.</p><p><br/>
"Hiya, angel," he said as he dumped his limbs in the chair opposite Aziraphale, "didn't keep you waiting too long I hope?" </p><p><br/>
"Hardly, my dear. Just long enough to work up an appetite," Aziraphale answered. Crowley smiled as he opened the menu and began perusing it. </p><p><br/>
They placed their orders and Aziraphale was content to let Crowley dominate the conversation. He listened to Crowley talk about the rude letters he had started sending to his upstairs neighbor as punishment for being too loud and tried to will his palms to stop sweating. Crowley had forgiven him, not just for the wretched things that he had said the week leading up to Armageddon, but for plenty of other missteps over the course of 6,000 years. Surely he would forgive him for this. He just hoped that another hundred year nap wouldn't be necessary.</p><p><br/>
Their waiter placed their meals on the table. Aziraphale had barely uttered a soft thanks when Crowley dug right in. It had always been interesting to watch Crowley eat in that circus sideshow sort of way. The demon ate as if he was starving and could polish off nearly any dish in under ten minutes. <a id="return3" name="return3"></a>As a result, Crowley's plate would be clean before Aziraphale had even scratched the surface of his and would spend the rest of the meal intensely focused on Aziraphale<sup>[<a href="#note3">3</a>]</sup>. This time, however, Aziraphale merely picked at his meal while Crowley finished his with single minded determination.</p><p><br/>
"Somethin' the matter?" Crowley asked as he swiped the last bite of sauce off his plate with a slim finger and stuck it in his mouth. Goodness, his table manners were truly atrocious. </p><p><br/>
"Well, now that you mention it..." Aziraphale fidgeted nervously in his chair. He just needed to do it quick, like pulling a plaster off. Get it all out so they could deal with it. Crowley sat up straighter.</p><p><br/>
"What? Has something happened?" He brought his voice down to a whisper, "Is it one of our Head Offices?"</p><p><br/>
"No, no nothing like that. Nothing has happened, or rather <i>something</i> has happened just not terribly recently. Well, I suppose it <i>could be</i> somewhat recent what with our sort of perspective I'm not sure how you would define it," Aziraphale babbled. He really should've rehearsed this because this was similar to a slow motion train wreck.</p><p><br/>
"Aziraphale, just tell me," Crowley said softly. The demon was a study in anxiety with the rigid set of his shoulders and the swiftly tapping foot under the table and that wouldn't do. Aziraphale just had to tell him.</p><p><br/>
"Remember when I went to America all those years ago?" he asked and Crowley nodded jerkily. "Well I was in the South, as they call it, and there was this festival that sounded quite interesting. So I went of course and oh, Crowley I'm so terribly sorry." At this point Aziraphale hid his face in his hands.</p><p><br/>
"Sorry for what? What happened?" Crowley asked, sounding rightfully confused. Aziraphale spoke his answer into his palms. "What? I can't hear you."</p><p><br/>
"I said I ate snake! I'm so sorry Crowley," Aziraphale wailed from behind his hands. There was a deafening silence from the other side of the table. This was it then. Crowley was understandably upset with him and would disappear until the sting of this betrayal lessens. He wouldn't blame him at all. If Crowley had sat down and told Aziraphale that he had eaten a spot of bookseller over the weekend he would not have been pleased. </p><p><br/>
The silence went on so long that Aziraphale wasn't sure that he hadn't just disappeared already and took a peek through his fingers. Crowley was not only still sitting there but he was wearing what was undeniably a look of unrestrained glee. Aziraphale lowered his hands and wondered if his friend had heard him correctly.</p><p><br/>
"That's what's got you so worked up? You ate snake?" Crowley asked and leaned back into his controlled sprawl.</p><p><br/>
"Yes," Aziraphale said slowly, it was his turn to be confused. "Aren't you upset with me?"</p><p><br/>
"Why on earth would I be?"</p><p><br/>
<a id="return4" name="return4"></a>"You're a snake," Aziraphale said as if Crowley had forgotten this detail<sup>[<a href="#note4">4</a>]</sup>. </p><p><br/>
"I'm not, though. Not really," Crowley responded easily. He must've seen the confusion etched on the angel's face because he continued, "I'm a demon not a snake, or a man or what have you. That's just a corporation. A specific collection of molecules." </p><p><br/>
"Oh," Aziraphale said softly as he thought over what Crowley said. He knew Crowley had a looser relationship with his corporation than he did. Crowley wasn't so easily defined as all that, he wouldn't distill himself down to just one Earthly trait. While Aziraphale mulled things over Crowley leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table.</p><p><br/>
"So," he drawled, "how was it?" Aziraphale folded his napkin primly in his lap.</p><p><br/>
"Well, if you must know-"</p><p><br/>
"Oh, I must," Crowley interrupted with a sharp smile.</p><p><br/>
"It wasn't bad, actually, though not worth repeating the experience. Americans really will fry anything, it seems." Aziraphale picked up his fork and began to eat his meal in earnest as Crowley laughed.  </p><p>"Yeah," Crowley agreed with an air of casualness, "if you're going to eat snake then grilled is the way to go." </p><p>Only Aziraphale's iron dedication to manners prevented him from choking on his food.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p><a id="note1" name="note1"></a><sup>1</sup>"It's called being <i>fashionably late</i>, angel." <sup>[<a href="#return1">return to text</a>]</sup><br/><br/><a id="note2" name="note2"></a><sup>2</sup>i.e. lie<sup>[<a href="#return2">return to text</a>]</sup><br/><br/><a id="note3" name="note3"></a><sup>3</sup>When they first began sharing meals together this habit used to make Aziraphale feel extremely awkward. He worried that Crowley would grow bored waiting for Aziraphale to finish his food so he tried to match pace with Crowley. When Crowley caught on he had laughed and told the angel to take his time, he didn't mind waiting.<sup>[<a href="#return3">return to text</a>]</sup><br/><br/><a id="note4" name="note4"></a><sup>4</sup>Aziraphale had only seen Crowley in snake form a handful of times and each time had been incredibly memorable. He found it hard to believe that it had slipped Crowley's AKA The Serpent of Eden's mind.<sup>[<a href="#return4">return to text</a>]</sup><br/><br/><br/>thank you to the lovely people who indulged my question of "has aziraphale ever eaten snake"! also the festival I had in mind was the Rattlesnake Festival my state (and others) put on.<br/>come talk to me on <a href="https://ivory-line.tumblr.com">tumblr</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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